Novel playing with me (that’s all)

If you’ve written a novel before (fiction) you know that these characters come from you and yet some of them are terrible and it’s some weird stuff that you’re messing with, strange parts of the brain, plus it hasn’t helped that my life has been under constant stress from all levels of reality since January (and the past decade of my life actually has been on cycles of very dark times) and so…I was bound to break and the drinking didn’t help and I don’t get drunk very often but when I was dating this girl she drank like a fish and I kinda picked up the heavy liquor while we were on and off again. All and all, it is what it is, but so I dont drink during the week at all but when i go out (such as last night) and dont have a good time, I’ve been known to just lose it, and so I shouldn’t do that…probably, and lesson learned…but then again….

Here’s to digging the ship out of the sea somehow. Back to the editing and damn more shoveling. Oh just throw me luck life and my goodness man, I’m working on two books and editing two other people’s writing and there’s typewriters and paper all over the place and the abacus is on the ground and it seems so absurd. I’m sort of feeling burned out and the sun makes the outside look ugly this time of year, snow melting and the dirty slush from ugly cars and falling apart schools and who the hell am I? I need to go somewhere, where I can have peace if that makes sense. I’ve been writing with these characters for almost five years now and this will probably be it for a couple years. I don’t like writing it any more. I’ll finish this novel and start something new. I want to travel to California this summer by train I think and write about that (that is if I can finance the thing) and I don’t know what else. I’m just tired of the nonsense. Thanks for reading.

( There’s a short zap attack from the fear in the going to illustrate how some fictional characters that are on the negative side of the scale can even give the writer nightmares, and I could go on and on but I won’t.)

P.S I’m looking for some kind of job so after the short zap attack is a portfolio, if you need any work done or know anybody that does let me know. This losing everything because I’m broke has to stop, or I will stop because I cant keep losing the good things, but maybe, that’s just life, but maybe, that is life for me. I really hope not.

So yeah, this is how this blog has been. Sometimes I just write my way through it and then the ground levels out. The only problem is that I know my time is up where I’m at, and there’s no more for me in the words i’m working with and no more for me in the town I’ve been exiled to. There’s no more for me in the outside reality that I look at and so I guess I’m going to find myself in a new part of my life and I hope it is a good part. I’m just going to write what I want, and I’m not going to worry about over editing for a while and updating properly. I just don’t have the o.c.d for the internet right now. It’s too much work and not very fun anymore. Peace. real bad

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